This website has remained skeletal and quiet for a long time. Even so, it has served as a point of contact for a surprising number of Catholics seeking support in dealing with OCD. However, to more effectively bridge the void of my long silence, I have decided it is time for an update on the status of this website, my book, and my OCD apostolate as a whole.
I completed the first draft of my manuscript in early 2024. Around the same time, I started this website, partly to build a platform for the book, and partly to jumpstart my “Catholic OCD apostolate” without having to wait for publication.
I tried strenuously, but unsuccessfully, to find a publisher. Simultaneously, I discerned that I was being called to pursue a much larger endeavor, which would require a professional license in a mental health field. I therefore enrolled in a program to obtain my master’s in clinical mental health counseling. I am still working on that degree part time, juggling academic responsibilities alongside my primary vocation as a wife and homeschooling mother to five young children. While I still have a long way to go, the dual processes of pursuing publication and a counseling degree have served as catalysts for breathtaking vistas of growth in my life over the past two years.
When I began graduate school, I was not sure how my book would fit into the picture. Would I publish while I was still in school? Should I wait for professional credentials? Would the material I would learn in my master’s program substantially change my perspective on OCD? I decided to move forward and let God take charge of the details.
As it turned out, school itself has demanded so much of my time that I have not had a chance to revise my manuscript or make another round of publishing attempts. Simultaneously, I have found myself on an inner journey of deepened self-discovery, parallelling my more academic quest to “get to the roots” of OCD. While I stand by most of what I wrote, I have learned a great deal more about myself, OCD, psychology, and the human experience, which I now desire to integrate into my book. The problem is that all my [already limited] free time is consumed by these self-same studies.
In no way have I given up hope of publishing my book or developing my OCD apostolate. On the contrary, I have seen God’s plan unfolding throughout this process. At every turn, He has put forward something greater than what I had envisioned. I have no doubt that the result will be a worth the wait. I am ever more committed to the work of pouring out the gifts I have received in the service of God’s suffering people; but I am learning to be detached from my own, overly specific ideas of how that apostolate will look.
When I say that I have been on a journey, I am referring to growth in every dimension of my person. Writing my manuscript was a graced experience, which caused me to reflect back on my whole life in a way that made sense of it as a coherent narrative within God’s provident design. As a result, my decision to enter graduate school was the most functional discernment in which I had ever engaged. These developments propelled me into a new kind of active, self-aware cooperation with God that has felt like a revelation in itself.
Then, the content of my studies, framed by the holistic, theologically and philosophically informed anthropology of the human person purposefully integrated into the Catholic program I chose, has illuminated layer after layer of both my own experience and the thorny psychological questions with which I have wrestled. At the same time, my master’s program has encouraged spiritual growth in ways I had not even imagined possible, helping me further join the contacts of my heart and soul with the work God is placing before me.
Interwoven with these more abstract personal and professional developments, I have also been on a vocational journey during this time period. The challenge of learning to harmonize my vocations as a wife and mother with this newer calling has been significant; and these have not been easy years for me as a parent, either. It seems like every day brings fresh trials and very real suffering; but through the lens of that intensified spiritual sensitivity which has been dawning on me, I have found myself grappling with these challenges in a more authentic way than ever before.
Coming from a background of scrupulosity and doubt, I have found it profound to experience the Lord carrying my crosses with me, to realize that I am not alone in my confusion, and to discover that His will is accessible to me in a tangible way. I have finally learned how it feels to “pray about” something, and begun to tap into the power of surrender.
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Another thing I have come to understand is that I use writing to organize my thoughts and make sense of my experiences. Because of this, I have decided it is once again time to share a little more of my journey with the world. The freshness of these experiences makes this undertaking feel unusually vulnerable to me; but both for my own sake and for the sake of the suffering population I seek to serve, I need to begin the process of crafting these reflections somewhere beyond the confines of my seething mind.
In summary, I have no real update on my book. I plan to revise it when I have a break from academic work, sometime in the next year or two; and I trust that God will lead me to a publisher when the moment is right. Without waiting for that time, however, and in hopes of whittling vast realms of new thoughts and feelings down into something that can eventually enrich the existing manuscript, I am hoping to begin writing more here, in between school assignments and family responsibilities.
As always, I offer myself as a witness to hope and healing. Please feel free to reach out with questions or to share your thoughts. Just keep in mind that I am still not a professional, and that my reflections and encouragement are not intended as any kind of substitute for mental health care; in fact, psychotherapy is always my first recommendation to anyone who asks.
Catholic and OCD 